I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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