Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
