I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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