and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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