I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
