it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
