she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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