I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
