His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
