my room smells like sperm. sweet.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
