Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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