I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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