nut hugger
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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