Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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