I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
