dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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