how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
