I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
