I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
