You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
