carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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