maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
