Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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