it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
