I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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