just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
