My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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