the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
