How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
