I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
