yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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