If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
