I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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