Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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