i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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