i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
