Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
