What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
