hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
