She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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