I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
