the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she looked like the before picture.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
