New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think my moral compass just broke
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