Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Boobs are out for the taking
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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