her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
