Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
