Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
