i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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