Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
