just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
