AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
