i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
