I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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