He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
