She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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