Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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