I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
