You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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