I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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