so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
