think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
