well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
